23 Hard truths about Rock Bands is a funny email.
#19 is out and out WRONG however, and #20 has some notable exceptions, but #17 is just plain gospel.
- Never start a trio with a married couple.
- Your manager is not helping you. Fire him/her.
- Before you sign a record deal, look up the word “recoupable” in the dictionary.
- No one cares who you’ve opened for.
- A string section does not make your songs sound any more “important”.
- If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it’s time to break up.
- When you talk on stage, you are never funny.
- If you sound like another band, don’t act like you’re unfamiliar with their music.
- Asking a crowd how they’re doing is just amplified small talk. Don’t do it.
- Never name a song after your band.
- Never name your band after a song.
- When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer…….IMMEDIATELY.
- Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
- Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it’s rock ‘n’ roll, not a soccer game. They’ve gotta stop coming to your shows.
- It’s not a “showcase”. It’s a gig that doesn’t pay.
- No one cares that you have a web site.
- Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
- Playing in Hendersonville & Smyrna doesn’t mean you’re on tour.
- Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
- If you use a smoke machine your music sucks.
- If blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
- Rock oxymoron’s; “major label interest”, “demo deal”.
- 3 things that are never coming back:
a) gongs, b) headbands c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle