Queen Silver

The Godless Girl

While the subject of feminism is flying about, I thought I’d suggest a Queen Silver website. I stumbled on it a while ago while researching something. The site is maintained by one of those (seemingly) dread feminists, Wendy McElroy who has an infrequently updated McBlog. The site is hours of fun for the whole family, including some scans and PDF’s of Queen Silver’s Magazine.

My favorite part is Queen Silver’s
Theological Dictionary, which continues in the spirit of Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. Here are a few examples of her definitions:

APPLE: Favorite fruit of god. When Eve ate the only one his tree bore, he became very wrathy. He had been saving it to make hard cider.

ARK, of the Covenant: A wooden box in which god was kept while his sheepherders were wandering in the wilderness; sometimes called: ‘God-in-the-Box’.

BRIMSTONE: God’s automatic meat roasting fuel.

CHURCH: A very expensive structure to which good christians go periodically in order to tell each other all the things which they do not know about god. They also tell god all the things they think he does not know about themselves.

EVANGELIST: Recruiting agent of god. Sells real estate in the New Jerusalem–ten cents down and a nickel a week throughout all eternity.

HELL: a place where the steam heat is never turned off; god created it so as to have a place to cook an eternal cannibal stew.

HUMILITY: Practiced chiefly by priests, monks and holy men and women of god, who gain great wealth and power by its exercise.

JESUS: Son of Mary. No one knows who she was. Father was god, who deserted his mother before his birth, leaving her without room rent or medical attention.

KISS: A religious ceremony first introduced through sex-worship; since the time of Judas it has been used by christians to conceal their hatred while betraying their friends.

LOVE: A sentiment which all preachers are supposed to feel for all men, women, girls and boys. Sometimes it leads to a prison sentence.

LOVE (2): A wonderful attribute possessed in its perfection by god alone. It impelled him to boil, fry and bake 99 and 99-100% of the human race.

MAN: A creature like god, made by god, looks like god, and acts almost as badly as god.

MONEY; Being the “root of all evil”, the church protects her communicants by relieving them of the care of the same. She deeply resents having this burden removed from her sacred shoulders.

PRAYER: Strong language which, when properly used, informs the Almighty how to run the universe. Without all of this advice ascending to Him in a thousand different dialects at the same time, God wouldn’t know what to do next.

PRIEST: Press agent for God.

SATAN: The George Washington of the bible. He never told a lie, while there are only two lies which god could not tell. Heb. 6:18.

TAMBOURINE: Sacred musical instrument whose sound resembles the clinking of nickels and dimes; used by gypsies, salvation army girls and Spanish dancers.

WAR: God’s chief occupation, according to the Old Testament, and the favorite amusement of his chosen people; a recruiting agency for the angelic host (by conscription).