Sophistry in action, from Aristophanes’ The Clouds
PHILOSOPHY
And suppose your pupil, by taking your advice, is promptly convicted of adultery and sentenced to be publicly reamed with a radish?
How, Sir, would you save him from that?
SOPHISTRY
Why, what’s the disgrace in being reamed with a radish?
PHILOSOPHY
Sir, I can conceive of nothing fouler than being buggered by a radish.
SOPHISTRY
And what would you have to say, my friend, if I defeat you on this point too?
PHILOSOPHY
What could I say? I would never speak again for shame.
SOPHISTRY
Very well then. What sort of men are our lawyers?
PHILOSOPHY
Why, they’re all Buggers.
SOPHISTRY
Right! What are our tragic poets then?
PHILOSOPHY
Why, they’re Buggers too.
SOPHISTRY
Right! And what of our politicians, Sir?
PHILOSOPHY
Why, Buggers to a man.
SOPHISTRY
Right! You see how stupidly you spoke? And now look at the audience. What about them?
PHILOSOPHY
I’m looking hard.
SOPHISTRY
And what do you see?
PHILOSOPHY
By heaven, I see an enormous crowd of people, and almost all of them Buggers.
Pointing to individuals in the audience
See there? That man’s a Bugger. And that long-haired fop’s a Bugger too.
SOPHISTRY
Then, how do we stand, my friend?
PHILOSOPHY
I’ve been beaten by Buggers.
Flinging his cloak to the audience
O Buggers, catch my cloak and welcome me among the Buggers!
