Not so popular

Did Meg read my hover text for my sidebar link?

It could just be a bizarre coincidence. After having read her for a while, I was amazed looking at blogdex to find that she is way up there on their popular links list. I suppose I should try to give up figuring out why some people are popular and others aren’t. “You’re in high school again. . . You’re in high school again. . . NO RECESS!”

I like Meg a lot, because she seems to have developed a very comfortable blogging “voice” which is reflective without being as maudlin as most of us get from time to time. But then again, I like maudlin too. It seems “real” somehow, even though I suspect sometimes if my blog ever topped the four or five readers a day I get my voice might change a bit, as a gesture of self protection. But since no one in geographic proximity to me reads this consistently, I feel fairly free to get as personal as I want. Spilling out the facts of my life like small change to strangers, as Tom Waits would say. I sort of hope I don’t become popular. It’s mostly passing strangers who read for a moment, and then leave never to return. No, I don’t know any good “gay cruising” techniques, or where to buy drugs online, and I don’t have any naked pictures of celebrities; I don’t know why searches for that seem to point people here. But that’s the way it goes; it’s impossible to predict why some people are embraced, regardless of their eclecticism. It is like high school. I’m glad that so many people have linked to Meg, she’s usually entertaining, but I in no way meant to imply that she represented any sort of corporate presence on the web. She’s just one of many eclectic people out there who has risen to the top for some unidentifiable reason. I don’t link to people I don’t like.

I was never popular in high school; perhaps it’s just my residual angst that creeps out occasionally that keeps me on the margin. I’m not angry enough to be popular for my vitriol, or self-assured enough to be popular for my confidence. My star wars character was R2; so I just beep and squeak my way along the margin without being a main player. I suppose I prefer things that way. I wanted to be Yoda but I’m too tall.

I wish I could confidently say “I am a writer” but though I’m actually pursuing a master’s degree in that, I don’t feel like one most of the time. It’s more like “I am a reader.” I could say “I am a photographer” since the best of this site is perhaps found there, but now it feels more like “was” since I haven’t taken a photograph in a long while. But I spent the majority of my life pursuing that, and I like to think that I got pretty good at it. The blog is mainly a way of remembering things, trying to gain perspective as I head toward the top of the hill. I keep climbing, and hoping, that the back-side of the steep rock face might be a little easier, though I really have my doubts.

Sorry, non-winner. Drink more milk and play again.