Opening lines

I'm taking a survey.

I haven't started to write my next essay because every opening sentence wants to start with an indeterminate pronoun. This bugs me for some reason. I decided to do a survey of the opening sentences in The Best American Essays to see if there is a proper way to begin. Here's a short list of words used to open; the most popular is of course "When I," locating the speaker and positioning the words in the past.

• I've been
• We have
• We always
• I'll even
• There was
• I was
• When your
• I write
• At just
• I am
• We have
• As kids
• If I
• A friend
• I've always
• The first spring
• The deserts of
• I must have
• It is a
• I am not sure

Notice that "I" is almost always involved? Very few essays begin with objects, or with any perspective outside the writer. I find this quite interesting, but I'm easily amused. I have the strong urge to open with a verb; it's hard to make that work, but I've noticed that I pull it off from time to time.